HI everyone!
I see that we lost another Warrior. 😥
When I read the 'Light A Candle' notification, my first words were, "Oh shit!"... I don't know WHY this is double-spacing, but, Oh well.
I need to start dedicating time to the blog again, to keep better appraised of how my old friends are doing, and to help support the new folks.
If some of you remember, we had a couple of young girls who "faked" cancer. As an experienced nurse, my "Her story is fishy" flag was at full mast, but I tried to give benefit of the doubt. Well, it turned out that my nursing experience was spot-on.
We, here, who support one another do it whole-heartedly. It takes energy. And, when a person is going through chemo/rad, all of the appointments, the fatigue (and other symptoms) that last waaaaay beyond en-of -treatment, requires more energy--not to mention trying to go to work every day while all of this is going on. I didn't really have much left.
So, I write about this because it saddens me when I read about a relapse or a death and I realize that I need to be less selfish, and more selfLESS. This site and Jill and all of my dear friends here, living AND gone, were and always will be, my forever cancer "rock."
RIP to Sandy, and HUGS and much LOVE, to the rest of you.
Carol P.
**Clarifier**--I wrote my story. It is long. Like, I never write this much. But, maybe it can help someone else here??
Hello everyone (who remembers me.)
I think of you all daily, even the ''newbies'', who I don't know. Part of me feels as though I should be here regularly, to support those new folks going through treatment, but the other part of me cannot. That is, I cannot be a regular presence of support. I burned out some years ago. That said, I still send prayers up for ''everyone on Blog for a Cure'', on a regular basis.
I have been controlled by my gut--side effects from cancer treatment if you will, for the past several years. There are times I wanted to share it with you guys, but didn't, because I am cancer-free while others are in the battle; again. One of these days I will go into detail of my symptoms and the tests/treatment I have undergone in the past year, that helped me, finally, to not live in daily, minute-to-minute fear, of ''an accident.'' I ain't referring to #1, either.
Fortunately, I have a GI doctor (at the VA no less, so anyone who hears bad things about the VA, please shelve it. Not true.) Dr. Gavin, who has been wonderful. Dr. Gavin, and another doctor there, a ''young" man earning his Fellowship in GI, said, after my last colonoscopy (and endo, 'cuase I have really bad reflux and had GI bleeding last year), which showed strictures, said, ''let's help you.'' ...... TEARS welled up in my eyes! I had read the report online, before my appt., and thought, 'anal strictures. WhatEVER..deal it it.'' I went to my appointment (follow up)only to tell them to, please removed the comment in previous notes that I was ''non-compliant with'' my Omeprazole. Quite the contrary! Without it, I am in agony (had it before CA.. IBS, etc.) So, joy of joys to have doctors actually want to help me! (another medical person at the VA, in GI, an NP, that I had had twice previously and was not going to go back because he is in idiot, umm, yeah. I'm an LPN and smarter. I think. I didn't have to see him. Hallelujah!)
So, I guess I'll just tell my story. A hyperactive gut. Regular stool accidents at work--like, monthly. HORRIBLE! I kept (and keep) loperamide with me at all times. Sometimes, though, one "blip" of the gut, and I did not have time to get to a bathroom. Often, I had no warning nor any SENSATION of having stooled--until I felt the moisture. This, people, is no way to live. None. Zilch. I have tried to watch "trigger" foods for years. I just had no control. Consequently, I had/have stopped participating in ANY group-type activities. No long walks (hardly walking period, except for at work; which is a fair amount.)
I averaged 4-6 stools a day. Some days, as many as ten. Then, I would feel like I wasn't empty. So, strained, though wanting not to because that affects the bladder control... Also, anal pain, from all of it. THANK GOD for TUCKS! (and ibuprofen)
Back to the past year 2018 to present: Because I had a long history of IBS, reflux, Giardia (in 2003/2004), and the new dx of anal strictures, these docs wanted to help me. Apparently, there is research out there (I might have looked up something, but no intense research because, again, after work, I don't open my computer at home. I am going to change that practice. I'd be much more productive) that correlates a hx of giardia with long-term gut troubles---I can't remember the exact facts (I need to read Helen's article on Chemo brain. Honestly, there must be something to it, the LT effects.) So, last summer, went through a 'Lactulose breath test"-- which frightened me. Lactulose is given to patients in the hospital, often, to make 'em poop. One reason is to lower critical Ammonia levels in alcoholics who have Encephalopathy. Because I was already susceptible to ''accidents'', and I drive 1.5 hours to the clinic, this terrified me. However, when I arrived, the NP (a different one) assured me that the lactulose is diluted. Anyway, in the test, you follow a special diet ahead of time, then go to the clinic/hospital. Over a period of 2-3 hours (thereabouts), every 15 minutes or so, you drink a bit of the lactulose then... well, ya have to wait different intervals: 15, 20, 30, etc., time after ingestion. It wasn't bad at all. So, this test measures two different gases in the gut, checking for over-production (OH! THAT is the tie to giardia!..FYI! )
The test results take several days. One of the gases, in my case, measured moderately high to high. The preferred method of treatment to regulate it is the antibiotic, RIFAXIMIN. However, because that med has to have a special authorization, FLAGYL is given first. I got sick with the Flagyl. Like, really sick. Even though I have taken it in the past w/o any problems. So, a 10-day course, I paused for 2-3 days, then resumed, because I was desperate for a resolution to my life being controlled by POOP! The Flagyl may have helped a little, but not much. Fortunately, the Rifaximin tablets were authorized. 1 tablet 3x/day for 14 days. I tell you what! I felt better after that medication, than I had in a long time! My BLOATING really has gone away. Pretty much anyway.
In addition, in trying to correct the anal strictures, which could contribute to my troubles, I was sent to a surgical center (outside of VA), who canceled my appointments THREE TIMES! I forgive them now, because the NP I was supposed to see, I found out later, was pregnant (probably had some complications) and ended up going on maternity leave early, so I saw a physician. Like, two months ago. So, my initial referral was submitted in JULY 2018. Cancel, cancel, cancel... (then, they had the nerve to tell the VA that, ''She --moi--keeps cancelling. We will agree to ONE MORE appt. slot. That is it.''......Really? I called the clinic and fixed that error.
I saw the surgeon in FEB 2019. I liked her. After getting some history from me and reading notes from my tests at the VA, her offer was to start with a temporary stimulator, which would go in my low back area. If the temporary stimulator is tolerated, a permanent stimulator is surgically placed. The stimulator, originally, was invented for people with urinary incontinence, but has shown to have some positive effects for those with GI problems, Crohn's, Colitis, IBS, as well. Well, I have had multiple back and hip injuries over the years. One REALLY BAD injury occurred in 2000. Injury to left hip, back (entire spine) up into my neck. I already had a lot of problems with my neck from car accidents in the 1990's (hit a tree head-on driving home from noc shift. Two blocks from home) Consequently, I have worked REALLY HARD to keep my NERVES at bay, since that accident. It took my MANY, MANY years to get over really severe pain and always, feeling as though my sacral-lumbar area was ''plugged into a light socket.'' (mind you, I am proud to say I missed only one day of work after that accident, and it is because I could not move. Literally.) So, no, this stimulator to help me not poop on myself and to live in daily fear of such, was not an option for me. HOWEVER, in the course of her interview with me, the doctor sort of mumbled, ''Maybe you should take lomotil/loperamide more often.'' .....!..... WHAT? I never thought of this because, as you anal cancer people know, controlling constipation and diarrhea is a fine art! I took loperamide ONLY when scared to death loose BMs were imminent. I was too afraid of the PAIN, if I became constipated. Can't have that. Passing out from pain is not an option. I still get regular anal pain, though not as frequently (like, constantly, as in the past. Still, often enough.)
Since that appointment, I take loperamide ONCE A WEEK. Usually, two tablets, though I took only 1 tab, one week. I think the two tabs is better, because a week ago or so, -- I was running to the bathroom a lot, at work. Can't have that. I feel, for the first time in eight years, that I am more in control of my body. I don't feel as though I want to cry all of the time, and go live in the wilderness so I won't get embarrassed; again. I wrote to Dr. Gavin and let him know, and to thank he and the other doc, and their team. He wrote back and said loperamide is a safe medication to take, long-term. BONUS! ... I need to write to the surgeon and let her know. My referral is still active. I had told them to not cancel it, at my appt., so I could ''think about it''--the stimulator. I told Dr. Gavin, however, that I ''cannot fathom, with all I've dealt with in past, with my overly-active nerves, to volunatarily stimulate them.'' Nein! Oh! What a great feeling! I am not perfect, but better. :).............If anyone is still reading. Moral of story: keep your doctor appointments, even if you are a nurse and can read the results online. ;0
xoxo,
Carol P.
February 9, 2020 at 1:16PM PST by Private User
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